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F R I E N D S / I N F O / U P D A T E / J O U R N A L / C A L E N D A R
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September 2nd, 2008 at 1:31pm]

A Confessional, should you need it...
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Newbie [Thursday
June 7th, 2007 at 10:24am]

[ mood | sore ]

Hello. Meet meCollapse )

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May 8th, 2007 at 3:36pm]

[ mood | crappy ]

being hated by the people that you live with is fine if they are family

not if it is your peers

university is like high school

I was clean for almost 2 months

now i am attempting to get clean blades

I hate where I live just now... 6 more weeks is seeming like hell

I cried on Andrew... I feel so weak and pathetic and stupid

 I should be happy.

Attacking me online is not good...

I'm falling faster than I am able to stop myself.
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so ok... [Saturday
March 31st, 2007 at 10:26pm]

long time no post. thats a good thing tho. i doubt any of you remember me. i havent posted in probly 6 months or more. 16, female, previously from CT, now in WV. still doubt you remember. 

anyways, just thought id let you all kno that its been 6 months since the last time i cut. this weekend's been hard tho. i found out that my mom was in the hospital (i live with my grandparents) bcuz she had multiple ovarian cysts, that my best guy friend of 4 years might have cancer again, and that im at risk for getting ovarian cysts myself. 

life seems to have gone to shit in the last 24 hours. -sighs- alas, i'll deal with it the way i have been. i'll sit down and write a poem or something. 

thats more than enough bitching for one entry.

hope everyone is well.

~Anzu (Anca previously) 
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March 1st, 2007 at 11:42am]

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Aww, my wonderful tutor and two weeks free! **cross posted** [Tuesday
December 19th, 2006 at 6:09pm]

[ mood | happy ]

She was just going past the computer room I'm in, obviously on her way home (lecturers are in this week to get work done!) and she back tracked, came in the room and gave me a hug, kissing me on the cheek like a mum would. I always said she was my mum at uni! She told me to have a good Christmas and look after myself, and that she'd always be on the end of an email.

She is so amazing. She's done so much (and still continues to) for me.  I couldn't ask for a better tutor. I seriously couldn't.

And today, I'm also two weeks free of Self Injury! My arm is looking so much better. I am still concerned as to how visible some of the scars are going to be when I go home though. I will probably have to try and cover it up with makeup I think. And wear gloves.

I am feeling so wonderful right now. Loved, warm inside. Hell, I feel wanted. Cared about even! I just hope this feeling will last.

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Rant.. [Friday
December 8th, 2006 at 3:13am]

ometimes, it takes just one song to remind a person how to tackle life. Today I put on Christina's Stripped album as I got in the shower. First, Fighter came on as I went in the shower. I didn't realise really how much that song would affect me today. The song that was on when I came out was The Voice Within. That second song made me make a decision to call home tonight. I did it, after reading a comment on my myspace page from someone in my uni class and lo and behold, I'm allowed back for a few days over this Christmas break yay!

The song Fighter, well. I posted a blog on myspace before the phone call about a few things to do with my mental health and how people are at uni towards me and I got a few rather odd messages back. One was actually in the message I mentioned above and the other was in another blog I made afterwards in regards to that message, trying to explain things to people.  That message basically told me to shut up and put up, pull myself together and become something I'm not.

So, at first the negative side of me was like: "argh! No one wants me on my course and hates me! What am I supposed to do?" Then Fighter got stuck in my head again and it made me write one final blog on myspace, basically telling them that ok, they don't understand but they don't know my full story. That I'm not going to be someone I'm not. And if they don't like it, they know where to stick it.

I'm not going to be a clone, Drama Schools are actually quite particular in types of people they accept, and they actually don't seem to like the outgoing RAWR-IN YOUR FACE type of people. I know, I've been to auditions. I've seen who got through to second round/recalls. Every time, no matter whether Italia Conti, E15, or even RADA (not that I auditioned there but I know people who did), not one person I saw who was like that got through to recalls.

At the end of the day, I am who I am. I am not an outgoing person. And probably never will be. That's who I am. I do suffer from severe depression. I am a self harmer. Hopefully, I will be a recovering self harmer if I keep going. But at the end of the day, I'm not becoming a clone. I'm not hiding behind masks again. I'm not creating a false me.

If people don't like who I am, then they can stuff it.
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October 2nd, 2006 at 9:17pm]

hi guys, its really quiet round here...i hope this is good!! love and hugs to everyone xxxxx
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September 6th, 2006 at 9:20pm]

everybody is very quiet lately...i suppose thats good tho, right? hope everyone is ok xx
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ayyye [Thursday
August 10th, 2006 at 1:31pm]

[ mood | scared ]

I plan on telling my therapist today that I cut.
Honestly I'm sick of the 'therapy games' we play because I don't want to talk to her about anything.
I'm there for my 'anxiety/stress issues' and therefore she should probably know about what I do when I'm stressed out.
God only knows I don't have the balls to tell her, but I'm going to try.
If I'm at therapy, I might as well use it to my advantage, right?

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Finally, A Picture of Me... [Friday
July 28th, 2006 at 4:13pm]

Read more...Collapse )
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July 23rd, 2006 at 4:15pm]

Basic Info:

Name: Pearl
Age: 19
Gender: Female
Location: Lombard, Ill
Do you like where you live?: I've never really lived anywhere else, so I don't know!

SI Questions:

Why do you cut or SI: It's a release of negative emotions such as anger, fear, or being upset
What do you cut with: Safety pins, paper clips, razors, knives, other dull objects
Are you friends with any cutters: I know of some, but I'm not really friends with them.
Why did you start: Because I saw someone who was in an outpatient treatment with me do it and she said it worked.
When did you start: About a week ago
Have you ever gotten any help for SI: I've been seeing a therapist for over two-a-half years now.

Random Questions:

1. What is your favourite season? Spring or fall
2. One wish you have is...? To live away from my family
3. The best thing that ever happened to you was? Working with the current therapist that I have.
4. What is the most annoying trend ever? I'm not sure.
5. What band do you wish never broke up? Again, I'm not sure.
6. If you had a million dollars the first thing I would buy would be? A new car.
7. The stupidist thing you ever did was? Starting self-injuring.
8. What is your favourite band? I don't really have a favorite.

3 Movies:
1. Pirates of the Caribbean
2. Harry Potter
3. Girl, Interrupted

2 Books that you love:
1. Harry Potter
2. Anything by Lurlene McDaniel

One thing you regret:
1. Beginning cutting

One Fear
1. Failure

3 things you love:
1. Chocolate
2. My friends
3. My computer

One thing that annoys you:
1. Liars


Downloading music ilegally? Yes
Straight Edge? I am, but that doesn't mean you have to be
Myspace Link if you have one: www.myspace.com/fighting4truth
Where did you find this community? Through another community
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July 21st, 2006 at 9:53am]

Hello and welcome to this little corner of LiveJournal

It would be hugely helpful to me if you could comment here telling me that you wish to join, and tell me maybe something about you

Your friendly neighbourhood moderator/maintainer

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